Understanding God

Perhaps this seems like a strange post, but during the past week I've thought much about how do we understand God: His wisdom, His timing, His plan, His will? Hopefully you aren't reading this looking for answers, for I, too, am a seeker.

• When we ask God for healing, and we know he can do it, why doesn't it come immediately?
  
• When we ask God for deliverance, and we know he can do it, why doesn't he do it at that moment?
  
• When we ask God for safety, and we know he provides it, why are there moments when it seems he is not there?
  
• When we ask God for direction, and we know he gives it, why do we need to wait for answers?
  

Last week our family received devastating news. Throughout the last 8 months my brother & sister-in-law were ministering a woman who found herself single, pregnant through an abusive relationship, and on the verge of abortion. She did not abort the child, through the process gave her life to God, found out the one baby was actually three (!), and through God's direction, decided to give the babies up for adoption. The adoptive parents were to be my brothers family. They didn't minister to this lady for that reason, but just felt it was the right thing to do.

As the months went by, so many unbelievable aspects of this woman's story began to unfold: abuse, tragedy, family issues, and extremely unbearable circumstances. The smallest of the triplets died in the womb at 4 months. Then the word "cancer" came into her life. However, her faith in God continued to grow despite all of the horrible things happening. My family rode the dramatic ride with her, and people around the globe began praying for this dear lady and the babies in her womb. For many months the babies did not seem to grow, but the tumor in her uterus grew larger each day.

Finally the due date arrived, but the babies were still small, so the doctors delayed delivery - for three more weeks! The twins gained weight, the mother stayed strong despite great pain from the cancerous tumor sharing the womb with the babies, and the faith of all increased as it seemed that the babies would survive despite great obstacles.

Last week, on Tuesday, 11 March, a cesarean section was planned. However, at the time to go to the hospital, the water broke, paramedics were called, and ultimately the babies needed to be birthed at her home. After all the months of ups and downs, and seeing God's sustaining hand upon mother and babies, no one would have imagined what would have come next. Due to difficulties with the birth, both of the babies died. It was unavoidable. The condition that occurred at birth has an extremely high mortality rate, and this was heightened with the address stress of home birth. This only 2 hours before their scheduled C-section delivery.

Why, God? Why after all of this roller coaster of emotions? Why after all these months of waiting? Why?

As I spoke to my brother yesterday by phone, the only conclusion that any of us can come to is because you are sovereign. You hold all of our lives so closely in your hands, and ultimately, you know what is best for all of us. Do we understand you? No. Do we want answers to the questions of "why?" Absolutely. Do you always give us exact answers? Unfortunately, no.

But do we trust you? YES! We trust your wisdom, your power, your hand of mercy - even when we think it is a hand of destruction, we can know that it is mercy and grace that is being poured out upon us.

Thanks, God, for allowing us to see your hand, even in the darkest of days. Thanks for helping us to understand that you are ALWAYS in control, even when we might have a different plan, or not understand you.

What I do understand is that God is ALWAYS faithful. He is always God. He never changes.

Perhaps that's all the understanding that I need to make it through each day.